My Chinese New Year holiday was a lonely one; not only that I have come down with a terrible flu that kept me bedridden for a week, other traditional rituals or celebrations have ceased to mean anything ever since both of my parents passed away. New Year celebration is for children or old people, since I have none at my household now, I do feel an unbearable lightness of being. What I also notice is the weight of grief that I have been carrying about the loss of my parents has somehow lighten a little as well. I know it will take a long time or never to totally let it go. Only people who grieve would understand that grief will transform with the passing of time but it will never disappear. I don't remember during what imagery exercise that I did and before the end of the exercise, after I have done my bits of transformation, I saw myself on a horseback. Strangely I saw me and my horse walking towards the left (which means the past in the dream/imaginal field). I followed the image and then I realise I have to make a detour to pick up my parents with me before going right (to the future). They climbed up to the horseback behind me and we galloped to the right, then I looked at my own reflection from a lake and I saw only myself on the horse. I turned my head around but I saw my parents sitting behind me. I knew that they were there but not there at the same time. They would support me whenever I need during my journey. This image of us three on the horseback is the image that shows forth whenever I think of my parents now. The body cannot tell whether the image is from a dream, an imagination or a memory, as long as I have experienced them the same way.
During my imagery class this morning, there was an exercise where I saw a paint brush appearing on my left palm and a fountain pen on my right. I closed my palms and felt the hands merging into one. When I opened my cupped hands, a box of roses in fuchsia pink appeared. I won't tell what it means, since the brain will cease to experience the image if we put a label on it. Writing this post is the result of this image. 😊
